I permitted the Rwandans to look upon my blonde fruitiness. And lo! they were grateful
The Boy Dave's trip to Rwanda and its implications. Paraphrased on the BBF; full woo-hoos here.

Before I start on my weekly Sextator rant, it's worth flagging up that this article on Cameron's "wobble" is well worth a read for the right reasons.

I have spent the last few days in Rwanda with Dave (we're THAT close, you see) and was jolly annoyed, upon my return, to see the moaning that's been going on in the British media about the visit: "oh, Cameron (THEY clearly haven't been invited to call him Dave like I have. I think they're jealous) should have stayed at home because there's a crisis." I mean, really! It's only flooding for heavens sake and it didn't affect my house, so what's all the fuss about? Of course, if it it had hit north London then it would have been a different story as it could have ruined my collection of Manolo Blahniks, but in the final analysis, there's been no real harm done.

I think it's all so unfair. So Gordon Brown has been co-ordinating the response and helping to ensure that everything runs as smoothly as possible. Well, snoooooooooooreeeeeeee, frankly. There's him and the dowdy-looking other MPs doing their duty and representing their constituents, holding the Government to account over the handling of the flooding, and assisting their local councils in getting help from Whitehall in this endeavour (and looking jolly serious and boring in the process), when gorgeous Dave (did I say that he insisted I call him that?) is over in Rwanda looking all shiny and young and open-necked shirted. Gordon Brown must be so gutted.

I - even if nobody on the Government benches is aware of this fact - am able to report that rain is so not a good look this season. Sorry Gordon, but tokenistic demonstrations of a new "caring" attitude, and mouthing frothy, insubstantial platitudes are IN. Fact.

I have been associated with Project Umubano from the start and think that this flood obsession just because a couple of poor people (who all live beyond Watford Gap Service station. Chuh, I thought we'd granted devolution to Scotland?!) have lost their homes and have been subjected to misery smacks of parochialism and arrogance.* But in spite of all that, Dave chose to leave the dismal weather here and had the bally courage to get on a plane and show the world that just because his constituents needed him, he wasn't going to be put off getting a great tan and trying to improve his poll ratings.

I listened, breathless with admiration as Dave outlined his plan for Africa to a rapt Kigali parliament. Policy initiatives included "helping Africa", "trying to help Africa be more healthy" and "helping Africa help itself". Hard hitting stuff, what what? I was inspired and I'm sure - because they saw that I was inspired - everyone else was inspired too.

I laughed like a drain when Dave (he's so sweet. "Barbie", he said to me, "do call me Dave") made a joke. He's so funny! I bet Gordon Brown isn't funny. Anyway, we were chatting about the fact that the Rwandan parliament contains the highest number of female members of any parliament in the world. Dave said, "cripes! We could learn a few things from these fellows!" I still giggle when I think about it!

I suppose the Tory Party could introduce women only short lists and actually affect social change, but Dave's real strength is talking about what would be nice and looking jolly young and floppy haired whilst he's doing it. I think he should stick to doing just that and not worry about what those silly people in his constituency, his party, Ealing Southall, and Sedgefield think of him. Chuh! What do they matter anyway?

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Occasional Political Dictionary

* Arrogance: politicians are accused of this attitude when they disagree with you. See also not listening to The People(TM) and spin.