We were always at war with Eurasia

Live Earth concerts are on today, comrades. Remember, this is the most important gathering of celebs and music lovers, er, I mean concerned members of the public demanding social change, since Coldplay last wore wristbands and sang "Yellow" in order to end world poverty. I mean, since the battle of Peterloo.

A-listers such as Natasha "I Have A Brother" Bedingfield and some game old bird who has named herself after the mother of God said of the event that: "this is not a bandwagon we've hopped on to revive our flagging careers. We have always been concerned with climate change more than any other issue, and dem politicians have done NUFFINK about it. Get engaged. Buy a wristband. Yeah!"